Beliefs in the Mirror: Reflecting on Perception and Reality
An 11-minute read and/or listen.
A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It's not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it's true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we've been attaching to, often for years.
— Byron Katie
Take a moment to pause and reflect on the stream of thoughts that have flowed through your mind since the beginning of your day until this very moment.
Where did they originate?
Where did they dissipate?
Now, shift your focus to the syncopated dance of your breath throughout the day.
Were you consciously orchestrating each inhale and exhale, or were you mostly surrendering to the innate rhythm of life?
If you allow yourself to contemplate these considerations and questions thoroughly, you may come to the realisation that both your breath and your thoughts seem to arise and cease at their own accord, beyond your conscious control. It is as if thoughts are mostly thinking themselves, and breaths are mostly breathing themselves through you.
You can extrapolate this method of contemplation further into other aspects of your lived experience, such as your heart beating, your emotions emoting, your stomach digesting, your senses sensing, and so on. And it is a wise contemplation to engage in precisely because it invites a more truthful and intimate relationship with reality. In this context, reality can be defined simply as ‘what is’ or ‘what is not’.
Often, our beliefs about reality are contradicted by actual experiences because they persist without undergoing meaningful and thorough examination. When subjected to honest inquiry, beliefs often reveal their transparency, unveiling thoughts for what they really are: fleeting mental constructs bestowed upon us from a distant past, flowing through the mind momentarily.
Let’s look at an example.
The thought arises, “I am too damaged to ever be truly loved.”
Staying faithful to the nature of thought-forms, if left unattended, this thought will likely dissipate as swiftly as it appeared, returning to the formless void of potential. Therefore, 'what is,' is that a thought emerged and departed, leaving me in this present moment, no more or less lovable or damaged than I was before the thought passed through me.
However, if we are accustomed to believing the thoughts that flow through us, as if they possess genuine authority over 'what is', then we are likely to cling to those thoughts a little longer, finding ourselves repeating them, tinkering with them, and generating various permutations. In doing so, we interact with our thoughts as though they are integral parts of our being, leading us to identify with them and ultimately believe their content over time. A belief is borne through our attachment and it sticks around because of our lack of inquiry.
Years go by, and here I am — “too damaged to ever be truly loved”.
Naturally, when something becomes integrated into our identity, we tend to navigate our lives in accordance with it, seeking recognition, validation, and reinforcement of our perceived identity through interactions with the world. We become driven by our beliefs about who we are, actively seeking out experiences that align with and justify those beliefs. For instance, if we believe we are 'damaged', we may unconsciously seek validation of this belief, inadvertently perpetuating a painful pattern. This may manifest as pushing love and intimacy away or unconsciously seeking dramatic, fracturing, and burdensome forms of connection that could potentially cause physical or psychological harm, leading to a real sense of being ‘damaged’. The cycle continues.
Let’s look at another example.
The thought arises, “The world is a dangerous place.”
If we allow such thoughts to take root within us, clinging and identifying with them, we inevitably confront the overwhelming magnitude of the beliefs they summon. Our perception of reality becomes tainted by this underlying belief in the world's dangers, leading to a vicious cycle where our sense of peril becomes ever-present, casting an insidious shadow over our experiences. This cycle draws dangers toward us and blurs the line between genuine threats and perceived ones. Consequently, an atmosphere saturated with unwarranted fear pervades our daily experiences, influencing our perceptions and actions.
This skewed perception not only hinders our ability to fully immerse ourselves in life but also gives rise to a myriad of debilitating emotions such as anxiety and hyper-vigilance. As we view the world through a lens of perpetual apprehension, every moment becomes tinged with unease, robbing us of the inherent joy and spontaneity that life has to offer. Our existence becomes a constant battle against imagined threats, overshadowing even the simplest of pleasures with an underlying sense of fear and uncertainty.
At its core, our perception serves as a multifaceted prism through which we interpret the vast array of sensory experiences that life presents to us. This prism is not neutral but rather tinted by the hues of our individual narratives, expectations, and focus. Just as a stained glass window filters light into a spectrum of colors, our preconceived notions shape the way we see the world, reinforcing our existing beliefs and biases. For example, a person who has experienced past trauma may perceive situations as inherently threatening, while someone who has been raised in a supportive environment may view the world through a lens of trust and optimism. These underlying narratives and beliefs colour our perception, influencing how we interpret and respond to the world around us.
Without comprehending the nature of our beliefs , we fail to recognise their profound impact on our perception, resulting in a distorted and distant reality driven by our attachment to unexamined thoughts. This hampers our ability to fully engage with life, impeding genuine intimacy and immediacy with the living, dynamic moment.
As we latch onto thoughts, they transform into personal guiding narratives, akin to religious gospel. We tirelessly seek evidence to validate their truth, inadvertently plunging into disillusionment and eventual despair. Truth inevitably reveals itself, often amidst turmoil and isolation, until its undeniable presence breaks through the veil. The greatest tragedy unfolds when this realisation comes late in life, after years spent evading the truth, with our beliefs as our vanguard.
What if, in any moment, we dared to take a bold step back and challenge the notion that reality, including our sense of self, is dictated by the habitual chatter of our thinking minds? Could there be another perspective, perhaps one holding equal or greater truth than what we currently perceive and believe? How might embracing uncertainty open new pathways to understanding and growth?
Embracing 'what is' grants us the freedom to honour life and navigate existence with more balance and greater creative capacity, guiding us toward a more harmonious reality. Through openness, curiosity, and honest inquiry, we begin to see and craft our stories more clearly. We learn to dance in the unknown, where our feelings and perceptions are not bound by attempts to control the mystery but are instead open to being meaningfully moved by it.
The next time you encounter feelings of being 'wronged' by someone or find yourself entertaining thoughts of being 'wrong', 'unworthy', 'unlovable', and so on, take the opportunity to delve into your beliefs.
Ask yourself:
“Is this true?”
“Can I know with absolute certainty that this is true?”
“Who could I be without this thought?”
"Are there alternative perspectives I can creatively explore?"
"How can I compassionately support myself and others in this direct moment?"
"What possibilities emerge when I approach this situation with genuine curiosity, creativity, and compassion?"
Accompanied by these questions, let the truth of 'what is' find a home in the loving embrace of your open heart. Consider how you can unearth deeper layers of honesty, integrity, and authenticity in your everyday interactions through this type of inquiry. Release your tight grasp on your beliefs, if only for a moment. Observe the subtle shifts and transformations that follow. Embrace the boundless potential that emerges from this simple shift in perspective. Dare to explore beyond your habitual viewpoints and beliefs. Empower your innate creative genius and deep inner wisdom to light the way forward along a new path.
By acknowledging the far-reaching influence of our beliefs and perceptions on shaping our reality, we invite ourselves to cultivate open-mindedness, open-heartedness, and greater resilience. By challenging our assumptions, embracing uncertainty, and actively seeking new perspectives, we harness the creative capacity to navigate the complexities of human existence with more clarity, compassion, and wisdom. This journey allows both ourselves and others to evolve into more nuanced, dynamic, transformative, connected, and wholesome beings.